NumbersA thousand numbers.Circle my mind.Twenty TwoForty TwoFifty eightSeventy fiveNinety nineOne hundredNine hundredTwenty eightTwenty sevenSevenEighteen.Seventy eight.Backwards.Forwards.One meaning.Another.Artists.Poets.Authors.Guides.Linguists.Mathematicians.Physicists.Engineers.Programmers.Philosophers.Whales.Manatees.Hedgehogs.Lambs.Lions.Bears.Frogs.Snakes.Reindeer.Roses.Daffodils.Pansies.Lily pads.Lotus flowers.Dandelions.Abstract.Surrealists.ImpressionistsMinimalist.Modernists.Postmodernist.Propaganda.Films.Books.Music.Art.Blurry.Blended.Unseen.Unheard.Watched.Screaming.Lines.Faces.Names.Metaphors.Allusions.Angels.Seraphs.Demons.Devils.Oceans.Mountains.Deserts.Tundra.Meds.Stress.Anxiety.Terror.Confusion.On the border.Between.Inspiration.andInsanity.
DelusionalCurled in a ball.Where am I?What is happening.to my brain?I am afraid.What is going on?I wish I knew.I'm shaking.I have no idea.Something is wrong with me.I need to go to the hospital.But it scares me.I don't want to go.But something.Is seriously wrong.With my brain.I am terrified.Demons are talking to me.I need to go to the hospital.They are poisoning my brain.Endless questions.Over and over and over.My brain can't find answers.Because there is no problem.I am petrified.Maybe I should go to the hospital.I'm really sick.Scared of myself.There are so many demons.Confusing me.I'm a danger to myself.What is happening to me?I'm losing my mind.I think it might be a good time.To get myself committed.I don't know what to do.I'm delusional.Terrified.I am being watched.My habits are known.Even my random activities.Demons whisper to me.Shut-up.Shut-up.Shut-up.Be quiet demons.Please.Be quiet.I want to go.To hospital.I need.The demons.To go.Am I
8 oz. LatteI haven't been home.In about a week.Sick with stress.But I miss my couch.I have editing to do.Perhaps some writing.If I feel inspired.I miss my lovelies.And I need a break.My mind is overloaded.An afternoon of mindfulness.Perhaps just read a book.All the things I enjoy.My 8 oz latte.Beautiful as always.Read my cookie-less fortuneBanter with the staff.Sounds so lovely.Oh god I need the break!Hopefully there is a cookie.Or something equally as scrumptious.
Dreaming in ColourWhen I was twenty-two.I had a vision.While I was asleep.Not a dream.A premonition.I dreamt in colour.Odd for me.Something to take note of.I was in a park.Sitting on a bench.Surrounded by grass.A vibrant green.Ever so slightly overgrown.They would come to cut it.In a day or two.The sky was clear.I looked at the brilliant blue.A warm spring day.So comfortable and content.My gaze shifted.To watch a man and his son.Both dressed in white.The man had his back to me.He lifted up his son.Four years old.He had my cheek bones.His father's hair and eyes.In tune with them.Their joy extending around me.My love encompassing them.They were my family.I smiled.This image.A moment.Has never left my memory.I can see it at anytime.Right now when I close my eyes.Perfectly clear.Not the hazy recollection.Of a fading dream.For some reason.Incomprehensible.Quite random in my mind.This thought is always associated.With the number.Three.
Anticipating LoveAnother sleepless night.My choice.I didn't take my pill.Captivated.By the words.Spoken by My Love.Maybe two hours of sleep.Three perhaps.It would have been smarter.To take that pill.Tomorrow would come faster.Curled in bed.Half asleep.My mind racing.Anticipation.Excitement.Joy.Anxious.Terror.Panic.Precariously balanced.I am the rabbit.Nervous at your approach.Cautiously watching.Should you move too fast.Or if you come too close.I will bolt.The rabbit.An excellent metaphor.If I may take this interlude.To congratulate myself.I will happily admit.That when I feel safe and happy.I certainly enjoy...To use the euphemism.Procreation.To catch a rabbit.You must watch your timing.Find that perfect moment.Move slowly.Until you can reach.Then pounce.Or you will never catch me.My Love.I don't mean to make things hard for you.I wish everything could be different.But life is what it is.I've done my very best with what I have.I don't give up without a f
Still With MeMy Sweet Angels.You are still with me.Forgive my doubt.I get confused.Frightened.You are trying to tell me.I did it all.All for myself.Now it is time.For me to fly.I don't know what.The future holds.I must learn.To be OK.With uncertainty.I am afraid.To branch out.Take the risks.But I am inspired.I can do it.I won't change.As fast as you hope.I promise to disappoint.I'll do my best.As I always have.I will fail.More than once.But I won't give up.I never have before.I am a survivor.
Killing the PastMy eyes grow cold.Face of stone.It is time.Lodge my blade.In your stomach.Twist.To see your face.Shock.Your sweet little girl.Now a woman.Pull.This time.Feel your blood.On my arms.Thick warm.Watch you collapse.Drop my sword.I don't need it anymore.
If We Laid Never SpeakingIf we laid.Never speaking.I would never know.That you loved me.My heart growing heavier.A slow torturous death.Under the impression.My love was not returned.That I lived a lie.Eventually.When the pain.Grew to be too much.I would leave our bed.And wipe away my tears.Slip quietly out the door.If we laid.Always repeating.The same three words."I Love You."Our bed would always be warm.Passionate kisses forever.Locked in endless embrace.Confident in a love.Unknown to me before.Awaiting you.Eternal happiness.If you find your voice.I would be your companion.Willingly share your agony.And eager to create our bliss.If we laid.Together tonight.You would see my sweet smile.And every night henceforth.I don't need a ring.I don't need a party.I don't need bits of paper.I don't need anything at all.I am only asking.One tiny request.Say three words.And I'll be yours.Until the end of time.
Fifty Eight DaffodilsI bent the rules.Very slightly.But still enough.I deserve respect.Willing to oblige.Yet I absolutely refuse.To give up control.Lessons in compromise.One must give to take.Still you give only words.Beautiful tho they are.We are uneven.I want.Fifty Eight.Daffodils.