Continue to your download.
Start Interactive Ad Now
Thanks for watching.
Ladies of the NightYou sweet souls.You precious darlings.I silently walk by you.Do you want to be acknowledged?A smile perhaps?But that seems condescending.Do you want to be ignored?Permitted your privacy?Your pride?But that seems judgmental.What is an appropriate way to signify my compassion and respect?You stand in the pouring rain.I'll soon be on my way home.To the warmth of a cup of tea.To a hot bath.To cozy pjs.To my comfy bed.To my cuddly cat.But for you beautiful women.The warmth you will find has it's own chill.In a dirty motel.With a man you don't love.Prey to violence, abuse, illness.The momentary shelter offers no comfort.Then back out into the rain.I remember when you worked across from my apartment.Before they "cleaned it up".I felt safer with you around.Always present as I walked down that dodgy street to my building.You were my silent protectors.My guardians.I was never bothered.You diverted the danger.Took it upon yourselves.Once you were sent away I was
Schrodinger's CatWhere has this confidence come from?This assertive attitude.Asking for what I need.What I want.What I'm owed.What I deserve.Demanding respect.Setting boundaries.Saying "no".Trusting myself.My perceptions.My instincts.Knowing my judgments are valid.Knowing my reality is valid.Respecting those of others.Understanding that there is no "correct view".It's all subjective.It's awkward.It's uncomfortable.This is not the shy, timid, quiet girl I know.Who am I?Did I forget who I was?Is this my true self who was lost or someone new?It doesn't matter.The box is open.The cat is alive.
EarlyI am here.Early today.Yesterday late.Are you?Who are you?Do you exist?Will you find me?I am broken.Do I even want you to find me?But I am still here.I keep coming back.Compelled to return.
The Dreaded Question"What do you do?""Well... at the moment, nothing""Oh, just taking it easy? That sounds nice, wish I could do that."How does one respond?"mmm, ya [non-coherent mumbling]"Biting my tongue.Holding in the thought."Actually no, it's horrific.I cry at the drop of a hat.I sob randomly.Every day is a struggle to remain human.Constant attention to thoughts, behaviours and feelings.Consistent cognitive behavioural practice.Appointments.Appointments.Appointments.I work hard, every waking hour."Conversation quickly dies.I know I'm making progress.I can care for myself.I am able to draw.I am able to write.Work is the next phase in my recovery.But for now, "...nothing"And all the shame that goes with it.
Push the BoundariesThe party.Made it.Showered, dressed, make-up.Nervous, most are strangers.Alone, uncomfortable, unsure.The flower now sits on the right.OddTerrifyingWrongUncomfortableComfortableSexyAlcohol, cigarettes, drugs.This time, no sex.Quiet, smiles.Slowly sipping.Observing.The party moves.Too much, too loud.Home.Success is personal.
BittersweetWonderful west coast winter.Memories of long sweet goodbye kisses.The rain washing away my tears.I didn't understand then,that it was truly the last one.
The TruthReality belongs to me.Reality is only perception.Perception is the interpretation of reality.What is reality?