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I have no desire to argue.
No need for passion anymore.
This is different than before.
We are not children.
This must be frightening.
The changes are coming fast.
I am different than you remember.
I trust myself.
I am a capable woman.
Happy to make mistakes.
You are not different, but I am.
You want a happy healthy Squash.
Here I am.
Benefit of the DoubtYou always see the good in people.
Damn straight I do.
That's a good thing.
I don't want to think any other way.
Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt.
It's just a simple matter of perspective.
Sure I get burnt.
I'm not stupid.
But it's a choice.
I don't need your approval or permission.
Nor do you need mine.
You don't need to agree.
Live however you want, I will not judge.
Even now, you receive the same treatment.
Would you like that revoked?
ShameYou may be ashamed.
But I'm not.
There is nothing wrong with me.
Except that I lost my mind.
I'm not ashamed.
Actually I'm proud.
It's my life, my struggle.
And I don't want to be silent.
Why be ashamed?
The worst was feeling alone.
When you open up.
You discover you aren't.
If you are ashamed.
You miss out on the most wonderful feeling.
When someone comes to you and says.
"You inspire me."
I refuse to be ashamed.
It's risky business.
I know I've changed my future.
Created an extra layer of hardship.
But it's worth it.
To change the course of even one person's life.
Makes my sacrifices worth it.
CrosswalkWell lights, You never fail me.
I have my main errand.
Maybe three to four secondary ones.
Not pressing at the moment.
But if I happen to walk by.
May as well.
So I put my faith in you.
You take me on the route I need to go.
Kindly taking me down the quieter streets.
Keeping in mind my needs and energy.
Carefully avoiding noise.
Minimizing exposure to prevent anxiety.
You took me past one of my minor errands.
But you made me cross to the other side.
I thought you were being silly.
I almost crossed back.
There was a crosswalk ahead.
But I trust you lights.
I thought you must have a reason.
And you did.
I wasn't sure what it was then.
Thirty minutes later I discovered why.
Thank you lights.
That moment made me smile.
VulnerabilitiesYou asked me once.
What my vulnerabilities were that day.
Just that once.
A simple example of what to expect.
I woke up in tears.
So tired of trying.
I don't want to anymore.
But it happened on its own.
A voice from nowhere, stop.
The curtain is red with white stripes, very Scandinavian.
I miss my cat.
I miss my bed.
I miss you.
Awareness is the key.
You are a better texter than me.
I'm one behind.
Doing my best to keep up under your barrage of words.
I've always been slower than you.
A more leisurely pace.
Walking, reading, writing, speaking.
I need to be sure of my steps.
Careful with my thoughts and words.
Analyzing the connotations.
My brother's words ring in my head.
"Think before you speak."
It has to be right.
Always one behind.
Doing my best.
Watching the agitation grow.
How did that make any sense?
Why would you twist kindness?
Was the irrelevant insult thrown in for fun?
Am I crazy?
I know I'm tired.
I'm done with trying.
I do what is asked.
I'm wrong regardless.
It's beyond pointless.
Just tell me what to do.
I will be your puppet.
Pull the strings.
I will dance for you.
Bide my time.
I'm in no hurry.
I have my scissors.
Hidden in my pocket.
When the time is right.
I'll cut them.
And tie you up.
You got out.
A small get together.
The question hits.
The familiar answer.
This time an addition.
Just the truth.
"Well, I had a mental break-down.
So, ya. Nothing."
Our gracious and skilled host steps in.
Unknowingly giving accurate credit.
Reminding and validating my art.
Red Riding HoodI want to believe people so badly when they say they won’t bite
that I contemplate climbing into their smiling jaws
thinking that it might be better to be split in two than left hanging.
But always, I draw my red hood and flit back into the forest
running in the shadows of pathways, never stepping into clearings
because I’ve spent my whole life in the wilderness
and I still can’t tell the wolves from the woodsmen.
You Were Not An Aquarium BoySea-glass became your bones,
brine your blood, and seashells
melded into your skin.
You were not quite an ocean
when you said "This is your sign to love me."
My body was like a building;
tall, cold, almost unbreakable.
I was metallic and sharp,
towering over your waters.
I remember taking your hand in mine,
conch and coral shells scrubbing
my skyscraper wrists, and laughing
about how one day you would
submerge every last bit of me.
Your lips, riddled with argonauts,
found my cheek and I cringed
at the coarseness.
You asked if they bothered me
and I finally told you "I
think I love you."
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More