Interpersonal Effectiveness

The first test.
Epic fail.
Sad Face.

The same pattern.
Nothing changed.
I didn't change.

Was I consulted?
Nope.
Was I considered?
Nope.
Did I express myself?
Nope.
Did I assert myself?
Nope.
Are my requests being heard?
Nope.
Are my needs being met?
Nope.

What did I do?
I gave in.
Tricking myself.
Believing I was 'compromising'.

So I agreed.
I'm going along.
Put their wants first.
Ignored my needs.
Let them take over.
Gave up autonomy.

Under the beliefs.
Instilled in childhood.
The grain of truth.
Handed down through generations.
Exaggerated by my brain.
Expectations of reciprocation.
Which have yet to bear fruit.
Anecdotal evidence.
Of the falsehood.
I still follow.

And how do I feel now?
Same as usual.
Like shit.

Angry
Resentful
Frustrated
Invalidated
Manipulated
Controlled
Discouraged
Undeserving
Unimportant
Hopeless
Worthless
Helpless
Stupid
And of course guilty.

It sounded so easy.
Like everything else.
But beyond impossible.